


Beatitudinem

by ak_kriegs



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 16:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14382831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ak_kriegs/pseuds/ak_kriegs
Summary: When Yasha leaves, the Mighty Nein can't help but slip into a sense of sadness. But when she returns, good things always seem to happen.





	Beatitudinem

It's nights like this that Beau loves the most. A fire burning a few feet in front of her, the Mighty Nein spaced out around the flames in an odd shape, their bed rolls laid out and ready for the night.

They've been on the road for quite some time, leaving Zadash to head north after gathering sufficient funds and supplies. It's gotten colder, and Beau envies those of the group that aren't bothered by the temperature. She shakes at night beside the fire, chilled to the bone even under the cloak she had bought. Caleb doesn't hold up much better, and despite his new cloak, his tattered and worn out clothes prove that the winter will be harsher on him.

For a relatively slow and quiet day Beau is tired, leaning back on a log she had pulled over, head tilted up towards the sky. The group as a whole has been rather quiet all day; Jester keeping her jokes and flirting with Fjord to a minimum, Nott riding silently and periodically drinking from her flask, Mollymauk choosing not to taunt and annoy Beau.

Beau knows better, though. She saw it in all of them. Caleb and Fjord looking around every so often, surveying the land around them, Nott picking flowers and placing them delicately in a journal Caleb had given her. Jester not eating a pastry for hours, the well-hidden sadness in Molly's eyes.

Yasha has been gone for a month. She left one night during a storm, and though she never told anyone, Beau watched her go. The hole in the group didn't bother the others at first, but Beau herself felt the emptiness as soon as the door had softly shut behind Yasha. Beau saw the effects, sat silently on the side while the others seemed to fall slowly into sadness. Mollymauk was affected the most; tormenting Beau more than usual, taking his anger out on random passerby. Even his tarot cards seemed to predict his aggression, every reading he did on himself showing only dark times. Beau knows it's foolish to blame it all on Yasha not being present, but she can't help but realize that they're all happier when she's around.

She sighs deeply, sitting up just as Jester skips up to the small fire, Nott scurrying along behind her.

“Fjord is checking the perimeter,” Jester sings, dropping down on her bed roll with a flourish, grinning at Beau. “He said he heard a noise.”

Beau nods and watches Jester shove a donut in her mouth. Nott settles down beside Caleb and the two start a hushed conversation, the man pointing at a couple books he has laid out across his lap. Nott glances up just quick enough to catch Beau's gaze, prompting the monk to look away, jaw clenching slightly. She rubs at the staff resting across the top of her thighs, the wood soothing to both the touch and her nerves.

There's a rustling off in the shadows and Mollymauk turns his head, red eyes searching in the darkness for something he can't quite see, even with his advanced vision. Beau shakes her head and relaxes, forcing herself to clear her head and open her ears, noises of the night rushing in to meet her. Their horses stomping around and breathing hard, the coldness hard on them as well. There's night owls hooting, stray dogs howling back and forth at each other, Jester welcoming Fjord back with a mouth full of pastry, the quiet conversation between the two beside her, the tinkling of the jewelry hanging from Molly's horns.

Beau jerks when the sound of quiet footsteps meet her ears, the noise alarming in the otherwise calm night. The footsteps draw closer and Beau opens her eyes, straining to see beyond what her vision is capable of. She can see Molly watching her, creepy eyes amused yet curious.

“Beau,” Fjord drawls, “are you alright?”

“There's something out there,” she murmurs, standing and lifting her staff, body tensing, ready for a strike that she's not sure is coming. The sound stops and Beau's ears strain, hard enough that the beginnings of a headache pulses in her temples. She jumps when a hand claps down onto her shoulder, cursing loudly and rapidly, swinging blindly behind her. “Shit fuck godsdamnit what the he-”

“Beauregard.”

Beau freezes and then softens, turning around quickly, eyes darting up to meet the pale face of Yasha, her multi-colored eyes shining in the fire light. “Yasha,” she breathes, taking a step back. “Hi.”

Yasha opens her mouth to reply but is cut short, Jester shrieking out suddenly. “Yasha, we missed you!” Yasha catches the tiefling as she barrels into her, her laugh barely audible to Beau's ears. “I missed you as well, Jester.” She drops Jester to her feet and works her way around the group, stopping to crouch down and greet Nott softly. She lets Fjord pat her on the shoulder, smiles softly when Caleb glances up at her, moving away after only a second to approach Molly, planting a kiss to the top of his head, just as he did to her in the bath house in Zadash. He already looks more lively, the shine in his eyes back after having been gone for so long.

Jester is already chattering, talking more at Fjord than with him, the half-orc nodding along half heartedly. Caleb has reverted back to his books, Nott settled in beside him, watching the man read silently to himself. Beau jerks as Molly laughs loudly, head thrown back, face almost haunting in the fire’s reddish glow. He and Yasha are close together, heads bent and speaking rapidly, bodies angled in a way that makes it clear they don't want to be bothered.

As the night goes on Beau slips deeper into silence, quietly offers to take a watch shift sometime during the night before she lays down, curled up on her side with her back towards the others. She drifts off to the soft hum of hushed conversations and the crackling off the fire, head buried under her arms.

//

Beau wakes with a jerk when a foot connects with her side, sighing deeply to herself as she rolls over and finds Nott standing beside her, small body shivering in the chill of the night.

“Your turn to watch,” the goblin says, voice loud despite her attempt at whispering.

Beau waves Nott away and sits up, taking a minute to fully wake up before she stands, groaning tiredly when her back pops as she stretches. She roots around on the ground for her goggles and slips them over her head, taking a step back in the darkness when a pair of eyes meet hers from over the dying fire.

“Go back to sleep,” she whispers, swinging her staff onto her shoulder and carefully stepping around a sleeping Jester. Yasha's eyes follow her, the barbarian silent as Beau circles around the group, forcing herself into a false sense of concentration as she searches the shadows before her.

“And if I don't want to?” Yasha questions, her already soft voice even softer in the night.

“Then I'll go back to sleep and you can keep watch,” Beau grumbles, dropping onto the log situated beside her messed up bed roll.

She hears the quiet sigh Yasha releases, watches as she stands and stretches herself, taking a moment to look into the fading glow of the fire. Beau reaches out with her staff and nudges the wood around, closes her eyes to soak in the warmth that the new flames emit.

Yasha approaches and tentatively sits next to Beau, her long legs stretched out in front of her. “Mollymauk says that he hasn't been taunting you as much lately.” She shifts and Beau freezes when Yasha's arm brushes hers. “He also said you almost died quite a few times after I left Zadash.”

“We all did,” Beau bites back. “Not all battles are easy.”

“I understand.” Yasha looks at Beau and her shoulders drop, her eyes softening as she gazes at the small human. “Beauregard, look at me.” Beau turns her head to Yasha, jumps slightly when the woman's fingers brush over her face, lifting the goggles off and over her head. “I talked to the others after you went to bed,” she says. “They all said that they missed me. Nott showed me the journal she's been keeping of different flowers.” She stops and tilts her head, touching Beau's knee softly. “You only spoke when you said hello.”

Beau rolls her eyes and looks away, a quiet, sad laugh bubbling out of her chest. “I don't do well with emotions,” she mumbles. “I thought you knew that. Everyone else does.”

Yasha shakes her head and reaches for Beau's hands, holding them tightly. “You know that if I had a choice I wouldn't leave.”

“You've got business to attend to, I know.” Beau looks back at Yasha and gives her a tired smile. “Knowing that doesn't make it any easier on any of us. Sometimes it makes it harder, knowing that you'll leave.” She shrugs and looks down at their joined hands. “Doesn't mean the sadness stays away.”

“Sadness?” Yasha asks, squeezes Beau's hands.

“Molly looked like someone kicked his puppy for the longest time until you approached earlier.”

Yasha laughs and nudges Beau's knee with her own. “And yourself?”

Beau looks away and bites at her lip, eyebrows pulled together. “I missed you, too. A lot.” She frowns and looks up at Yasha, eyes bright with unshed tears, internally cringing at how weak she feels. “Some nights it was hard to sleep.”

Yasha lets go of Beau's hands and turns the human's head back towards her, brushes a thumb gently across her cold cheeks. “You humans have such a low tolerance for temperature changes,” she jokes, cupping Beau's cheeks in both hands to warm them.

“Not everyone is as hot as you,” Beau shoots back, eyes bright with amusement.

Yasha shakes with silent laughter and lowers herself off of the log, looking up at Beau as she leans against her leg. She pats a space between her legs and winks. “Come, let my hotness keep you from freezing during your watch.”

Beau laughs and slides herself between Yasha's legs, sighing in content at the warmth that Yasha and her giant cloak brings. She slips her goggles back onto her head and glances around, catches sight of Molly looking at the two of them with one eye, lips curled into a small grin. It only grows when he watches Yasha press a firm kiss to the back of Beau's head, laughing to himself as Beau blushes and looks away.

//

Beau wakes slowly, surrounded by warmth and the quiet chatter around her. She shifts slightly, grumbling at her goggles laying against her chest and freezes at the unfamiliar weight settled across her waist, a tired smile stretching across her face as a rumble of laughter vibrates against her back.

“You let me fall asleep,” she mutters, twisting her head to look up at Yasha. “I was supposed to be keeping watch.”

“It'snot my fault you kept drifting off,” Yasha says back, squeezing at Beau's waist. “I figured it was better to let you sleep than to let you stay awake. And besides, it's no bother to keep watch. I woke Fjord after and it was all good.”

Beau shrugs and turns back, watches Jester devour the rest of her pastries, catches Frumpkin chasing around a string that's hanging off of Caleb's clothes, glares as Molly shoots her a knowing look.

“They've planned to pack up and move on once you decide to get up,” Yasha murmurs in Beau's ear. “Molly wanted to leave you.”

Beau huffs and throws Yasha's cloak off of her shoulders, crawls to her feet and flips Molly off, rolling her shoulders as the tiefling laughs loudly. She goes about packing up her things and kicks her staff up into her hand, watching as Yasha stands and stretches herself, heart stopping at the sight of Yasha's arms flexing in the early morning light.

She hears the group set off but doesn't move, finds herself frozen to the spot as Yasha collects her own things and adjusts her sword at her side.

“Yasha?”

“Yes, Beau?” Yasha questions, looking down at her. Beau toes at the dirt and sways slightly, a slight frown on her face. Yasha's laughter rumbles through her chest once again and Beau feels warmth flow through her body at the sound. “I'll carry you if that's what you want, Beau.”

Beau blushes lightly and shrugs, looking up at Yasha meekly. “It'd be fucking nice for sure,” she says. “But not if you're going to make me pay.”

Yasha shakes her head and touches Beau's cheek softly. “This one is on the house.”

Beau will never admit to the undignified squeak she lets out when Yasha lifts her up, will never admit that she feels a weird sense of comfort while clinging to the woman's back. She will admit, though, that she takes great joy in kicking at Molly's back, reveling in the man's annoyed screams.

//

Beau takes it back. It's days like these she loves the most. Jester skipping down a road, singing to her heart's desire, Nott holding tightly to Caleb's hand. Fjord and Mollymauk at the front of the group, talking to each other and laughing loudly. Knowing Yasha is back, even if for a little while. Her presence making the whole group happier, life a little better, helps Beau's rare smiles come a little easier.

Beau knows Yasha leaving again is inevitable, but for the time being she clings to her shoulders, buries her face in the woman's cloak and breathes deeply, feels her heart swell at the level comfort that Yasha brings, and for the first time in long time Beau feels truly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> This is lowkey not the greatest thing I've ever written but Beauyasha is literally killing me and I wanted to write something. 
> 
> Come yell at me or whatever on tumblr at ak-kriegs :)


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